[ Yes, it is getting dangerously close. Usually, this is where he'd try a bit of humor to lighten things up, but that won't work with Hanzo. He'll just get more upset. ]
I suppose I am a little of both, then. I am not regularly under duress, or fearing for my life. I have people who would help me, should I ask for it. I can afford to be a fool with good fortune.
[ Oh wow it's almost like those are things you have going for you too, Hanzo. ]
[For a moment, he does think to himself bitterly ah, yes, you do have people who would help you. Genji would undoubtedly rush to his master's side with but a simple request, and there are other good-natured people here who would do the same.
But isn't it blind to assume that Hanzo does not have some of that now? There are people who call him friend here. Trust him. Even knowing his worst, most disastrous mistake, they trust.]
[Who indeed. No one here, apparently; everyone is eager to forgive, despite his great sins. Genji, most of all, knows of them. Others may know of the man who attempted to slay his little brother. The remaining know nothing.
And there is more. Always more.]
I will.
[Hanzo glares at him, frowning.]
I know that he has forgiven me. I know that you, Jesse, and Tracer welcome me. There are others who have assured the same.
[ Glare at him all you want, he's got his ocular receptors offline. Listening to the echos of the cave, the quiet drips of water from within and then the wind outside, is refreshing. Even if this conversation isn't. ]
Do you want for atonement? Do you want to be told you will never be forgiven? Do you want destruction entirely?
He wants to ensure that Genji can return home, and wishes the same for miraculously many others. He wants to take back the last ten years and undo what had been done, but that is impossible. He wants the moments he steals in holding Jesse's hand, Luffy's ridiculous laugh, Riza's competenece, Olivia's gentle demeanor--
Weeks ago, he'd have welcomed his destruction. His death. What he utterly deserved for what he took from Genji. Now, he--]
Once.
[The words are strained. Angry, but still softer than most of what he's said to Zenyatta. The anger is at himself.]
I don't know.
[All his life, he'd been so sure of many things.
But as divine as a dragon is, it is not infallible. Cruelly, he knows that.]
[ Once, but not anymore. He doesn't know what he wants, rather than a stubborn adherence to something he knows he doesn't. That's progress, in Zenyatta's book.
Finally, Zenyatta turns to Hanzo, looking at him. He notes the quieter voice, but how the rage is still present. It's subdued, but still there. He's reminded so harshly of Genji, it's a little painful.
In a more mild tone: ]
There is no shame in not knowing, and there is no time limit in which you must find your answer. But you will find nothing new, if you do not look with different eyes.
[ ...Damn, he was doing so well not to let the metaphors and lessons slip in!!! ]
[It is progress to admit as much as this to anyone, especially Zenyatta. The reasons for his discomfort with the monk is entirely selfish, and he knows it, but the emotions remain untamed like his anger.
Hanzo had wanted to never be forgiven. To let Genji be angry. To fall in battle, an honorable way to die for his brother's memory. There was a part of him that desired this for so long.
Now, there are other things in his life, and there is still a part of him that says it's wrong to have them.
He listens for a moment.
Then the deep scowl returns at Zenyatta's last words. Hanzo stands up swiftly.]
Quaint words, monk.
Despite everything, I know what I see with my own eyes! You cannot possibly know what it is I see. [How I feel.]
If you do not know, then never presume what I am thinking!
Know your place, fool!
[It's unreasonable. He'll realize it later. For now, all he can see is rage, fire in his eyes as he turns and takes his leave, anger pounding in his heart.]
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no subject
I suppose I am a little of both, then. I am not regularly under duress, or fearing for my life. I have people who would help me, should I ask for it. I can afford to be a fool with good fortune.
[ Oh wow it's almost like those are things you have going for you too, Hanzo. ]
no subject
But isn't it blind to assume that Hanzo does not have some of that now? There are people who call him friend here. Trust him. Even knowing his worst, most disastrous mistake, they trust.]
I should not afford such luxuries.
[Not can't. Not won't. Should not.]
no subject
Who will judge?
no subject
And there is more. Always more.]
I will.
[Hanzo glares at him, frowning.]
I know that he has forgiven me. I know that you, Jesse, and Tracer welcome me. There are others who have assured the same.
But I do not agree with them.
[He doesn't know that he ever will be.]
no subject
Do you want for atonement? Do you want to be told you will never be forgiven? Do you want destruction entirely?
no subject
He wants to ensure that Genji can return home, and wishes the same for miraculously many others. He wants to take back the last ten years and undo what had been done, but that is impossible. He wants the moments he steals in holding Jesse's hand, Luffy's ridiculous laugh, Riza's competenece, Olivia's gentle demeanor--
Weeks ago, he'd have welcomed his destruction. His death. What he utterly deserved for what he took from Genji. Now, he--]
Once.
[The words are strained. Angry, but still softer than most of what he's said to Zenyatta. The anger is at himself.]
I don't know.
[All his life, he'd been so sure of many things.
But as divine as a dragon is, it is not infallible. Cruelly, he knows that.]
no subject
Finally, Zenyatta turns to Hanzo, looking at him. He notes the quieter voice, but how the rage is still present. It's subdued, but still there. He's reminded so harshly of Genji, it's a little painful.
In a more mild tone: ]
There is no shame in not knowing, and there is no time limit in which you must find your answer. But you will find nothing new, if you do not look with different eyes.
[ ...Damn, he was doing so well not to let the metaphors and lessons slip in!!! ]
no subject
Hanzo had wanted to never be forgiven. To let Genji be angry. To fall in battle, an honorable way to die for his brother's memory. There was a part of him that desired this for so long.
Now, there are other things in his life, and there is still a part of him that says it's wrong to have them.
He listens for a moment.
Then the deep scowl returns at Zenyatta's last words. Hanzo stands up swiftly.]
Quaint words, monk.
Despite everything, I know what I see with my own eyes! You cannot possibly know what it is I see. [How I feel.]
no subject
Peace, Hanzo.
You are correct. I do not know what you see. I will not, unless told. I apologize if it sounded like I implied otherwise. It was not my intent.
no subject
Know your place, fool!
[It's unreasonable. He'll realize it later. For now, all he can see is rage, fire in his eyes as he turns and takes his leave, anger pounding in his heart.]